guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
