If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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