alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
