It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was confusing and full of hummus
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
