He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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