if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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