I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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