she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize