im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
