so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
she peed on how many people?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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