If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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