The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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