Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
