What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
