So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
