No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
