don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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