I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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