Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
