and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
