What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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