My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
