Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
