he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
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I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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