dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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