he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Randomize