so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
