Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
