dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
