i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I can't turn off my feet"
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
