i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
