I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Randomize
