her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
