Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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