i already hear my dad disowning me
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
