every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
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