no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Randomize
