So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
