she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
