I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
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I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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