between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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