id be glad to
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
