Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
