Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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