marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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