I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
