how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
