I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize