I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
