im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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