Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
