using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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