i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
