im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
