That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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