R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
