Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
