At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
