I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
