She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
