You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
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It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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