just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
