Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
