Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
