That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
