Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
