quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
