I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
