New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
