I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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